I sometimes hear from people who are just feeling the full impact of regret after they have cheated or had an affair. Many of these people questioned their love or commitment to their spouse while sharekalomre.com the affair was going on. So now, in the aftermath, their feelings are confusing to them, because they were sure that they felt something for their affair partner.
But when the affair ends or is
found out, the confused feelings can become much more clear. Many of these
folks find that the feelings for the spouse return in a strong and fast way.
Unfortunately though, their spouse may have negative feelings for them and may
not reciprocate. It can be difficult to finally realize that you still love
your spouse only to have your spouse look at you with anger and seemingly
hatred in their eyes. sharekalomre.com
Review You can be fully aware that you want your spouse back or
that you want to save your marriage while you wonder if you even have that
right to want these things because of your affair.
A wife might say: "I'm
embarrassed to admit it now, but there was a time about two months ago when I
wasn't even sure if I loved my husband anymore. I felt like I had something
special with the 'other man.' However, once my husband found out and I was
faced with losing him and potentially not having him in my life anymore, things
were crystal clear to me. I do not want to lose him. I do not want to give up
my marriage. I still love him, but our marriage had been deteriorating. I feel
like we could fix this, but he says that he does not think that he can ever get
past my betrayal. He says that it might be better if we divorce. I can not
accept this. sharekalomre I told my
best friend that I intend to fight for my husband, but she says that I gave up
the right to fight for him when I cheated. Is she correct?"
Your frie
nd is expressing what is only an opinion, which would be all that I would have - an opinion. There are really only two people whose opinion matters - yours and your husband. However, I can tell you how your husband might feel and can give you some insights on his thought process. Because I was the faithful spouse also. So I know how it feels to be part of that equation.
If you are going to fight for your
marriage, I believe that you should not come on too strongly with this. You
don't want to make it look like you are not considering your spouse's feelings
and wishes. You don't want to look as if what you want is the only thing that
matters to you.
However, if you are absolutely sure
that you are willing to do the work to not only maintain your marriage, but to
make it a marriage where your husband can be secure, happy, and fulfilled, then
there is nothing wrong with trying to make him understand this and hoping that
one day, he will give you a chance to prove it.
But that is different than trying
to force him to see things your way or coming on too strongly because you are
only worried about what you want.
Right now, your husband is likely
struggling to process this. He may not have decided what he wants. This is a
lot to process and he may not be able to see beyond his anger and shock at this
time. That is normal. He is probably doing the best that he can and he does not
need pressure right now.
That's why I think that it is best
to lay the ground work, but then to give him some time if he's indicated that
he needs it. The conversation might go something like this: "I know that
you are furious and hurt. You have a right to be both of those things. I made a
horrible mistake. I regret it every second. The threat of losing you has made
me see just how important you and our marriage are to me. I know that I have no
right to ask you to consider working with me to save those things. So I will
not ask that of you right now. I only ask that somewhere deep down, you might
be open to this possibility in the future. I would be happy to do anything that
is needed to help us move forward. I know that it won't be easy. I know that it
would take a lot of work. I know that I would have to earn your trust back. But
I am patient. And I am willing to do all of those things. I am also willing to
let you set the pace. I know that you are probably not open to me right now.
And I understand that. But I hope that one day, you will be. And I am willing
to wait until that day comes."
After you've said this, you have to
be willing to be receptive to your spouse, but not to push. You have to
remember that your spouse did nothing wrong and giving them time is the least
that you can do. If you are patient and you are clear that you are more worried
about what your husband needs and wants than your own needs, your chances will
increase that he will one day be open to you.
Comments
Post a Comment