A lot of spouses who have been caught cheating are extremely interested in "starting over" or "wiping the slate clean" when it comes to their marriage. And you can see why this would appeal to them. flirtwith.com The sooner they are able to place the focus on the new and improved marriage, the sooner that the focus can be off of them and the affair.
That's not to say that starting
over doesn't also sometimes appeal to the faithful spouse. No one wants to
dwell on something so painful. So it can very tempting to take your spouse up
on the whole "starting over" offer, especially if he's offering
something that you wanted all along.
A wife might say: "for the
last five years, I have begged my husband to consider having another child. He
always told me that we could not afford it quite yet. He knows how badly I
wanted this, but I tried to be patient. And he repaid me for my patience by
cheating with this hideous woman from his work. I found out because I am close
with another co worker and she couldn't bear to see me lied to this way. So she
told me and when I confronted my husband, he panicked and told me that he would
call her right then and break it off, which he did. He never wavered when he
claimed that he did not want to end our marriage or give up our family. I do
believe flirtwith.com
review this because he
is wonderful father who adores his kids. What I have doubts about is how much
he really loves me. If he loved me like he should, he would not have cheated. I
know that we have just started this process, but I feel like trust is going to
be a major issue for me. I feel like we're going to have a difficult road. He
told me that he would go to counseling or do whatever I need him to do. I have
not started looking at counselors yet. I am overwhelmed. Last night, he grabbed
my hand, gazed into my eyes and he said: 'I know that I have hurt you. And I
know that it seems like things are terrible right now, but we really can get
through this. We really can reinvent our marriage. I think that we should start
over and have a baby.' I was stunned by this and a little heart broken. I have
all but begged him to have a baby and nothing could change his mind. And now
suddenly he gets busted having an affair and he wants to be a father again. I
think that the timing of this is just a little flirtwith too
convenient. I am so tempted to say OK because I want another baby so badly, but
in my heart, I know it's not the best idea."
Well, it may not always be a bad
idea - if you are thinking well into the future. But it probably isn't the best
idea for right this minute. Marriages do recover from affairs. And couples do
go on and expand their families quite successfully. But usually, a lot of
healing and rebuilding has to happen first. And this just takes time and work.
There are no short cuts, unfortunately. And it's my observation that couples
who take the short cuts end up with trust and resentment issues. It takes time
to restore that trust and to feel confident in your marriage again.
That's why it's probably not the
best idea to rush into anything - including adding to your family. That's not
to say that you can never do this or that you have to put it off forever. But
you can revisit it once you feel your marriage is back on solid ground again.
And there is nothing wrong with
explaining this to your husband. You might try something like this: "you
know that I want to have another baby with you. And I'd love to do that in the
future. But I don't think that the timing is right. We have a lot of healing to
do and I would like for our focus to be on only that. If we have a baby, we
might rush or hurry the healing process and that isn't in the best interest of
our family. I want to make sure that any new baby is born into the healthiest
and the happiest family possible. This gives us a concrete goal and that is a
good thing. Why don't we revisit this issue in a couple of months and see how
we feel about it then? For now, I just think that it is too soon and that
things are too raw. I need to wait and see how I am going to feel in the
future. But I would be open to this eventually - assuming that we make enough
progress.
You said that your husband is
willing to do what needs to be done - and that should include being patient. I
suspect that he will understand. He may have been honestly trying to make you
happy, but he has to realize that the timing just isn't right.
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